Be yourself, in all of your entirety. Feel everything, in all of it’s entirety. Don't be afraid of making connections. That's what I personally think will kill all of our souls. Don't let something or someone decide how you will carry on the rest of your life. Decide now, to be open. I've been dealing with struggles within myself for way too long now, and felt like I needed to preach to the choir. Maybe you will need this. Maybe you will make the connection to your own life, and come out a better person. I'm writing because I want this to be read. I feel like I have something to say, whether it gives you a good laugh, or genuinely means something to you. Probably a good laugh. But this genuinely means something to ME. I'm 100% out in the open now. You have my life...in a blog. My heart just skipped, and butterflies are hitting the walls of my stomach. I'm so nervous, but I'm SO excited. When you look forward to the future it changes your life. Life is quite literally put into your own hands. I was scared, I still am, of dying. I had the mind set that I needed to live everyday to the fullest, which everyone should do, always. I had the mind set, but I wasn't doing anything about it. I'm sure there's some nifty saying or quote out there about procrastination...*insert here*. I can't really tell you where this sort of epiphany came from or when it came to me. I can tell you what I do know. I am here to challenge my life, and win. I will gladly admit that I have no idea what I'm doing. I just have a good feeling about this. I think I have finally reached the state of optimism. So weird...I think this is my testimony. No, Kaila. Say it (write it) out loud. Breathe in all of the life around you, and hold it all in until it spreads through your whole body, and soul. Now breathe out. This is my testimony.
Here we go: #MentalHealthAwareness For those who won't make it through the whole thing just know I hope you decide to live today and every other day. Mostly because I'm selfish and need other fucked up people similar to myself for emotional support, because this shit is WAAACK. When I was 16 the depression became noticeable. Weeks spent in bed, grades going down the drain, attempted suicide, self harm, the whole package deal. When I was 18 I was diagnosed with basically everything a mentally ill person can be diagnosed with... PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression and showing symptons of Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality. (Yeah, don't fuck with me). In between 16 and now I walked out on multiple jobs, traveled in order to "find myself", got in questionable relationships, continued the self harm, avoided my family, etc. It got ugly but then it would be okay for a little bit, like a steady but manageable trickle of darkness. I got lucky because I start...
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